See The Lonely Me

Once upon a time I drew a picture of Brian Molko. I put days into it, all the while knowing that the picture would never stay in my possession, but leave me as soon as it was completed to make someone I knew happy. A birthday gift. And the sacrificed of my first ever deviation here on deviantArt. I created that out of friendship, out of love, and out of the simple desire to make someone smile upon that special day.

Once upon a time I drew a picture of Brian Molko. He was standing amidst a vast expanse of white negative space. With his hands in the pockets of a long black coat, his face upturned toward heaven as if searching for an answer, I drew that picture out of desperation. Behind Worlds Apart was my desire to know why. When. What had I done to the friend I had that held my very first deviation, and my very first Brian? What had I done, when would it end?

Yesterday I drew a picture of Brian Molko, but this time he's different. The third to complete the triad of past, present, and future. The third to step past confusion, anger, and grief to step toward something better. Disassociation. Brian One was shrouded in shadow, his face hardly visible to the world. Brian Two was looking toward something that wasn't there. Brian Three looks directly at you, fully exposed, proud, not afraid... and knowing that it wasn't him... it was you.

See the lonely me. A line from the song 'Without You I'm Nothing.' But don't get too smug. It's titled this way not because of the way I feel, but because of what the song means. Because when you whisper the lyrics to yourself, the 'I' is you and the 'You' is me and Brian, sweet Brian... he's right.

Without me you're nothing. And for that I feel sorry for your betrayal.

Charcoal on 65 lb. paper
16" x 20"

"Without You I'm Nothing"

Strange infatuation seems to grace the evening tide.
I'll take it by your side.
Such imagination seems to help the feeling slide.
I'll take it by your side.
Instant correlation sucks and breeds a pack of lies.
I'll take it by your side.
Oversaturation curls the skin and tans the hide.
I'll take it by your side.

tick - tock [x3]
tick - tick - tick - tick - tick - tock

I'm unclean, a libertine
And every time you vent your spleen,
I seem to lose the power of speech,
Your slipping slowly from my reach.
You grow me like an evergreen,
You never see the lonely me at all

I...
Take the plan, spin it sideways.
I...
Fall.
Without you, I'm Nothing.
Without you, I'm nothing.
Without you, I'm nothing.
Take the plan, spin it sideways.
Without you, I'm nothing at all.

Original Not For Sale: Private Collection